Saturday, January 9, 2010
So there's a twist..
So, I am dating Kyle, and today I went back to school in Iowa (three and a half hours away). The relationship is very new, like less than a week offically. When i got back on campus, I went to my ex boyfriend's room to give back a webcam. When I saw him, i fell in love all over again instantly. It was like my eyes had been opened, and it was clear that i was supposed to be with him. One thing led to another, and we kissed. It was magic, like the piece i had been missing had been placed correctly. Now this is all well and good, but: A. He still is very immature and undatable B. The break up was messing and alot of bridges had been burned C. I AM DATING SOMEONE ELSE! I cant believe that i cheated. It boggles my mind, but in that moment, i didnt kind, because i knew David was the person i am meant to be with. So what do I do? i want to give Kyle a chance, because he is also a great guy, but it is wrong to love an undatable guy, and use a datable one in the mean time until the undatable one becomes availible. I am so confused.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
The Perfect Man?
In my twenty years of existance, I may not have figured everything out, but in one area, I have had a recent epiphany. I have discovered relationships are the gamble of a lifetime. As my mother said today, "relationships are the most important part of a person's life, which is perhaps why we struggle in this area more than any other". I am a common person and live a common life; therefore, I am no exception to this rule.
As a newly single young adult, I have been unfortunately faced with the fact that the human race as a whole is horribly flawed. The perfect man or woman does not exist. So my question to you is this: In a world of imperfect people, how do you KNOW when someone fits you perfectly? Or is the conception of a perfect match have a place next to faith in Santa or the Tooth Fairy?
Let me begin with a personal story to make my point. I dated a guy for nine months, only ending the relationship just before Christmas. In the beginning he pursued my relentlessly to no avail, because I was not physically attracted to the man, nor was he very mature. I did not see the chemistry, so I wrote him off, saying if it doesn't feel right, its not. But time pasted, and eventually, I began to look past the lack of physical attraction and focus on the other qualities he had that made him a good guy. He was sensitive, honesty, trustworthy, and very genuine. His heart was completely in the right place, and all he wanted to do was make me happy. Reflecting on these traits for several months, I finally accepted his advances. Why you may ask? Because after plenty of thought, I adopted the attitude that no one will be the perfect man, there will always be things that you wish were different; therefore, what was the point in rejecting a clearly good man for no reason.
With this motto in mind, I plunged into the relationship, always trying to find the silver lining when his less than becoming qualities arose. Clearly, my attempts eventually became unsuccessful, because the relationship ended. I could no longer justify his short comings and our incompatibilities. So this is what I am left with: I wasted nine months of my life dating a guy with potential, because i believed that short comings are to be expected, and if he was a nice guy, there is no reason I shouldn't.
I would say, just move on and wait until the next datable guy appears, but I am faced the same predicament almost immediately upon entering singleness. With my ex out of the picture, several guys approach me with interest in dating, but they are all the same as the last. They all are sweet, decent men, who deserve a wonderful girl, but i just don't feel the chemistry or spark between us.
So i stand at a crossroad, will one of these men end up being "the one" in spite of the fact i do not feel initially strongly for them, or am I stuck in a circle of settling for men that do not fit me. They are like a beautiful pair of shoes that are simply a size too small. Should I have to squeeze into them, because the correct size will never be available or should I look at another style and find the correct size?
In the end, its all about what is settled and what is not. How much flawedness is to be expected and how much is too much for lasting functionablity? Which is where the whole, "is there a perfect match" comes in. I have no idea how we are supposed to know when a relationship is as good as it is going to get. I want to believe that when the right guy comes, I will just know, but if I never give the guys who approach me a chance, I will never see if that mysterious feeling will emerge.
In hopes of figuring out the answer to all these questions, I have decided to try again with another, equally as qualified young man. Just like the last, he is a man of good character and a soft heart. But also like the last, the initial sparks are lacking and he has imperfections. The first kiss was awkward. He is a skinny thing, and he is barely two inches taller than me. But I am choosing to dwell and the positives once again and enter into the relationship openly seeing that he is not the perfect man. A mistake? Perhaps. But we shall see.
As a newly single young adult, I have been unfortunately faced with the fact that the human race as a whole is horribly flawed. The perfect man or woman does not exist. So my question to you is this: In a world of imperfect people, how do you KNOW when someone fits you perfectly? Or is the conception of a perfect match have a place next to faith in Santa or the Tooth Fairy?
Let me begin with a personal story to make my point. I dated a guy for nine months, only ending the relationship just before Christmas. In the beginning he pursued my relentlessly to no avail, because I was not physically attracted to the man, nor was he very mature. I did not see the chemistry, so I wrote him off, saying if it doesn't feel right, its not. But time pasted, and eventually, I began to look past the lack of physical attraction and focus on the other qualities he had that made him a good guy. He was sensitive, honesty, trustworthy, and very genuine. His heart was completely in the right place, and all he wanted to do was make me happy. Reflecting on these traits for several months, I finally accepted his advances. Why you may ask? Because after plenty of thought, I adopted the attitude that no one will be the perfect man, there will always be things that you wish were different; therefore, what was the point in rejecting a clearly good man for no reason.
With this motto in mind, I plunged into the relationship, always trying to find the silver lining when his less than becoming qualities arose. Clearly, my attempts eventually became unsuccessful, because the relationship ended. I could no longer justify his short comings and our incompatibilities. So this is what I am left with: I wasted nine months of my life dating a guy with potential, because i believed that short comings are to be expected, and if he was a nice guy, there is no reason I shouldn't.
I would say, just move on and wait until the next datable guy appears, but I am faced the same predicament almost immediately upon entering singleness. With my ex out of the picture, several guys approach me with interest in dating, but they are all the same as the last. They all are sweet, decent men, who deserve a wonderful girl, but i just don't feel the chemistry or spark between us.
So i stand at a crossroad, will one of these men end up being "the one" in spite of the fact i do not feel initially strongly for them, or am I stuck in a circle of settling for men that do not fit me. They are like a beautiful pair of shoes that are simply a size too small. Should I have to squeeze into them, because the correct size will never be available or should I look at another style and find the correct size?
In the end, its all about what is settled and what is not. How much flawedness is to be expected and how much is too much for lasting functionablity? Which is where the whole, "is there a perfect match" comes in. I have no idea how we are supposed to know when a relationship is as good as it is going to get. I want to believe that when the right guy comes, I will just know, but if I never give the guys who approach me a chance, I will never see if that mysterious feeling will emerge.
In hopes of figuring out the answer to all these questions, I have decided to try again with another, equally as qualified young man. Just like the last, he is a man of good character and a soft heart. But also like the last, the initial sparks are lacking and he has imperfections. The first kiss was awkward. He is a skinny thing, and he is barely two inches taller than me. But I am choosing to dwell and the positives once again and enter into the relationship openly seeing that he is not the perfect man. A mistake? Perhaps. But we shall see.
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