Blahhh Day

Firstly, I am not a morning person, so starting work at 6:45 am is not really my thing. Especially with nursing as a career. It is amazing how overworked and understaffed hospitals are. It boogles my mind that safe care is given at all when nurses are stretched so thin. This makes me a nervous wreck. I am going to be an independently practicing nurse in six weeks, how am I, Mary Beth, EVER going to be able to juggle all this. I love being a nurse and would never take it back BUT it makes for a long long day. I am quickly learning that 7- 3:30 does not mean that at all..its more like 6:40 to 5 or 6, if your not mandated to stay until 7 or 8.

So long story short, I am soo tired; therefore, no workout for me tonight. I just want to be a pile and go to bed early.

The only not blah/tired thing about my day is Ty. I am so head over heels I am starting to scare myself. I have been with other guys and I've been in love, but never ever like this. Ty is different and in the best ways. For the first time since I was sixteen, I genuinely know that if a guy (Ty) wanted to, he could break my heart. I thought I loved David and kinda thought I loved Andrew, but now I KNOW i didn't. I never went crazy for them the way I do for Ty. Looking back, I think I thought I loved them, because they loved me (if that makes sense). Meaning, their affection and passion for me, made me be attracted to them. My feelings were exclusively based on their over the top feelings for me, because being with someone who lives and breaths for you feels good. To be wanted feels good.

I wake up every day more in love with Ty and because of this, it absolutely kills me not being able to see him during the week. He hangs out with his friends alot, so most days I speak to him for twenty minutes tops. I have always hated long-distance relationships but Ty puts it on a whole other level. I have never wanted to come home to someone so much. I must be honeymooning like a bitch, or maybe this is the real deal. And the older I get, the more I yearn to have the "real deal". This week, I have been taking care of a mid-fifty year old male, who constantly has his wife by his side. They have been married for 31 years and when I asked him how he does it, he almost started crying as he said, "She's my best friend". You can see how much they love each other when they interact. They are both firecrackers, but when it is all said and done, they ooze devotion to each other. He is very very sick and you can see that she cares about him more than anything in the world. I want to have that. That even after 31 years together, the thought of not having them drives me crazy with anxiety and fear. I want to be in LOVE and never fall out of it.