I hate love

Of the 365 days of 2010, I would say today is easily in the top 10 crappiest day of the Year list. As heartache appears to be my specialty as of late, today gives me a bolus ( to throw in a little nursing knowledge there). Today would have been the one year anniversary of my relationship with David. I knew it. He knew it. So to make me hurt a little more, David brought me a dozen roses. Yay. Awesome. I love be reminded of exactly what I no longer have. Sweetness.

So in true female fashion, I ordered a pizza, ate incredibly too much of it, watched The Notebook, cried, thought "woe is me", and laid around depressed wondering if love will ever not hurt. As today is still today, I am still unconvinced that life will indeed go on, but I am hoping tomorrow will come, as it always does, I will be able to go on. But wait. Tomorrow will be the one year anniversary of our first kiss. And a week after that will be the anniversary of the first time David said " I love you". And a week after that will be the anniversary of him meeting my parents. And a month after that will be the anniversary of staying in Sioux City with him and experiencing the most romantic week of my life. Do you get the picture? EVERYTHING is a reminder of him. There is absolutely no way to avoid his presence; therefore, i will be continiously teased by the memories...the memories of such happier times.

So the question: Will I ever be happy again? yah. yah. I KNOW i am just being a dramatic, emotional girl...but I still wonder. It is not so much that i want to be in love. I just want to not hurt over love. No fresh wounds. No budding relationships that may or may not work out. I just want NOTHING with the opposite gender, because at this point, they serve no purpose other than giving me pain.

I have such big plans for my future that boys do not fit in the picture.
BUT...i like to flirt, i like to tease, i like the butterflies and the stupid smiles that a boy can give me. It is the ultimate love hate relationship.