I wonder how it is determined what a person's struggles will be..
some do drugs, some watch porn, some sleep around, some drink too much. some are not confident. some lie. some steal.
I guess some of it is personal choice but at the same time, I believe that some of it is just part of our souls, as if we are predisposed to be weak in the area we are assigned and no matter how fervently we try, this demon will haunt our lives to the day we die.

I discovered mine when I was 16 and now, four years later, I can not kick it. I hate waking up and facing it everyday. But I hate even more that more days than not, it wins. Sometimes, I feel like i am making progress..but then I regress. Continous hills and valleys.

It is part of the reason I want to go home so badly. When I am home, I feel like I am in my element...where i function best, which makes my demon retreat and gives me the strength to fight it.

But what do I do for the next thirty days? I am sick of wallowing here broken-hearted and exhausted by my struggle. The picture is of me at much happier times...I will be there again someday.