D(cocaine)avid.

I am sitting here completely boggled by the human mind and capacity to feel such conflicting emotions.

I have been with Andrew. I love Andrew. He treats me better than I deserve, and loves me in return. He is mature, responsible, sensitive, sweet, and so many great things. I love being with him.

After my experience with David a few weeks ago, I will never forgive him. What he did is unexcusable. Besides the fact that I got absolutely NO pleasure from any of it. I am not attracted to him in a boyfriend/girlfriend type of way AT ALL, but yet I can not shake him..it makes absolutely no sense. He has done nothing to make me want him in my life, but yet I miss him. Most of the time, I dont really think about it, but then there are times like these where the ache is so horrible.
I cried.
I don't ever cry.

But WHAT DOES IT MEAN? Is Andrew wrong? Is David right? But that makes no sense. David has been nothing but bad for me. I have had nothing but pain to associate with him, but yet there is something that always draws me to him and makes me forget all the horrible things that have happened between us and all the reasons that it will never work.

I am so confused and beside myself with the anxiety of trying to sort all these emotions out. They are so conflicting. David is my cocaine. A drug and addiction that I don't know how to break.