Hello Real World.

"But only if I move to Sioux City"

In a very odd turn of events, it appears that my stipulation about dating Tyler has become true. I am now a proud employee of St. Luke's Regional Medical Center :D This is obviously a huge relief to me. I am FINALLY starting my life!! Home is great but I am more than ready to live by myself and be more independent.

I am moving on the 18th so this week pretty much consists of packing, getting an apartment, buying furniture and ten million other things. So much to do, but I am thrilled to death about the whole thing.

So with my stipulation fulfilled, Tyler and I are now an official couple. woot! Two weekends ago, I went down to visit him and meet his family. It was great to finally be in his physical presence after these weeks of just talking. We were able to spend quite a bit of time alone and I loved every minute of it. He is the most affectionate and funny man. And he has an uncanny ability of making me unbelievibly flustered! It happened this past weekend too, but everytime I see him for the first time, I get SOO nervous even though I know him really well. I guess that's just my body's way of showing my attraction toward him.

Tyler is a special one. He may be a little crazy and unaccomplished, but we have chemistry like none other. It kind of freaks me out. The only person I have felt head-over-heels in love with was Austin. Up until this point, I have wrote that feeling off as the product of young, immature love. Why would I think otherwise? I cared about David and Andrew very much, but I never felt like I could not get enough of them. With Tyler I love every single bit of his personality and I am falling incredibly hard. I so used to having all the control in my relationships that it is scarier than hell to know that he could hurt me if he wanted too. But if this is the price I have to pay for a deep connection with someone, I'm sure going to do it. With him, everything makes sense. Its like I had been living in a dating world of muted colors and now he has made the colors brighter, which makes me see so clearly what I had been missing out on with my other men.

With Tyler, there is no compulsion to have a wandering eye. He is absolutely the only man on my mind. When I was with Andrew I always thought about David and when I was with David, I always thought about Andrew. Hence, the cheating and being a player. I never want to be that girl again. I have throughly learned the lesson that if you have ever an tiny bit of emotion for another boy, you should not be in the relationship. So after pretty much six months of steady cheating/playing, it feel weird to only be interested in one guy. The thought of Andrew or David appauls me and they cross my mind very little.

This weekend was a huge test of my resolve in this whole honesty-to-the-relationsihp department. I went down for my interview on thrusday, meaning that I stayed the whole weekend to party. Thursday night, I went to thirsty thrusday and got trashed (Note: eight shots in twenty minutes is never a good idea). I came back to dordt and crashed, but unlike any other drinking weekend at Dordt, I didnt text, call, or see David. The thought never entered my mind, and when I was with Andrew it ALWAYS did and I often gave in. On monday night, I had my Andrew test. It was Ariel's 21st birthday so we all went out to the bar and Andrew was there. I was quite intoxicated when it was all said and done, and then Andrew drove me home. He did not know that I have a thing with another guy ,so i could have been all over him all night if I wanted to, but I didn't. Didn't touch him once- even on the way home. And i wasn't restraining myself. I didn't, because I didn't feel anything towards him.

Both of these events are SOO significant to me because:
1. It proves that I am genuinely over both of them
2. It shows to myself that I can be an honorable person in a relationship
3. It suggests that there is something different about my feelings for Ty. With David and Andrew, they always were missing a critical piece, but I feel like Ty is the full package, so I dont need to look to other guys to be fulfilled in the relationship.
I am so happy I had these oppertunities to test myself and that the result was what I wanted it to be. Ty is one in a million and I am so so happy.

My only problem is that I need to confess my previous transgressions to him. He hates cheating, so this will be the worse possible thing for me to have to confess to him. But I have to. I can't dedicate myself to a relationship fully unless all the cards are on the table. I want to genuine with him, but its going to be very difficult. God give me strength.